Killing Eve, Killing Me

So, I just finished binged-watching two seasons of “Killing Eve”—and I think it was one of the better 24 hours of my entire existence. Jodie Comer makes me feel like I’m a waste of space and it doesn’t help that I am 31 and she is just 26 years old. Truly, it would be an honour to have her slit my throat. But enough self-loathing (at least just after these few other sentences). Killing Eve is about an MI6 Agent, Eve Polastri (Sandra Oh), and Jodie Comer’s character, a Russian assassin they call “Villanelle” (a.k.a. Oksana Astankova). And look, I don’t want to discuss the plot and the other storylines of the series here, that isn’t my intention for compulsively writing this, instead, I want to delve deeper into the conscious and unconscious psychological exquisiteness that the actors have portrayed on this show that made it a transcendental experience for me. Watch the show or not watch it, I don’t care…but for the love of all that’s beautifully fucked-up, watch it!

If you are also familiar with the show, “Orphan Black”, with Tatiana Maslany portraying all the main characters, you’d think that Villanelle is kind of a rip-off from that, especially aside from the real life fact that both actors are highly praised for their acting skills of being able to transition into their different characters by moving, thinking, and speaking in different languages and accents—no less, seamlessly. But I don’t know, I got hooked with Killing Eve than I did with Orphan Black—I wasn’t even able to finish the first season I think, even though it is really a phenom of a show too. I guess this is what Eve felt like…and it’s even bonkers now that I realize that Villanelle’s prowess even permeated through the screen of my laptop! Damn. That’s fucking good writing and acting coming together; and I think I am starting to spiral into another pity party…but before that, let me concentrate on Villanelle first! Jodie Comer’s character is just…oh, I don’t even have the words, but I’ll try…this is like that scene where Eve/Sandra Oh was trying to describe Villanelle’s face to the sketch artist. She started with describing the hair, how it was dark blonde, how she had full lips…and before she knew it, she was starting to describe the assassin more intimately:

The first time Eve and Villanelle met.

“Her hair is dark blonde, maybe honey.

It was tied back.

Uh, she was slim, about 25, 26.

She had very delicate features.

Her eyes are sort of catlike. Wide, but alert.

Her lips are full, she has a long neck, high cheek bones.

Skin is smooth and bright.

She had a lost look in her eye that was both direct and also chilling.

She's totally focused yet almost entirely inaccessible.”

And truly, watching Jodie Comer give life to this otherwise emotionless psychopathic Villanelle character is just so mesmerizing to watch—her expressive face, sarcastic, deadpan comedic timing of it all and the push and pull of her trying NOT to have emotions—particularly of remorse or dare I say it, real love (but what is “real love” anyway, come to think of it?)—just gives me ALL the emotions! And of course, there is no shame in denying that half of the appeal of this show comes from the giddy feeling I get from the BGE (Big Gay Energy) between Villanelle and Eve…and I swear to god, if the writers doesn’t even put in one lesbian kiss—even if it’s a half-baked, confusing one, especially on Eve’s part—within the show’s lifetime…Like, seriously, if this is going to be another “Rizzoli and Isles” bullshit, I’m going to cut a bitch. And side note, I know this is shallow and somewhat irrelevant, but physically speaking, I appreciated the fact that Jodie Comer is not stick-thin---like, you could actually see even a little bit of a muffin-top when she sits down--and I think that's dope. And dang, she's tall. Anyway.

Now, of course, Jodie Comer is just one of the many actors who truly has that certain gift—like what Cate Blanchett delivers in her every role (which deserves a whole other blog post)—but unlike another killer, the character “Hannibal”, which was a show I also very much adored as well, Villanelle is much more relatable despite the obviously caricatured persona and all her senseless killer impulses, because her inhuman character is very much a reflection of our personal humanity; but of course I am mainly speaking for myself, with regards to relating to that primitive desire to do most, if not all, of what her character does—but even on a real life dark political perspective, these conspiracies do happen. And Jamie Comer pretty much confirmed this during one of her interviews when she discussed what I am exactly talking about, by making the opening scene of the first season as a perfect example—that scene where she flipped an innocent little girl’s ice cream cup over as she was going out of the cafe—I mean, in some version or another, and at some point of our boring lives, we wanted to do that—let’s not kid ourselves, shall we?

Villanelle tips over a little girl's ice cream

But what does this say about me and for all the other people who also love this show? Because I gotta tell ya, I genuinely felt freaked out and concerned for my own sanity the moment I realized the pure bliss I was feeling when Villanelle surprisingly slit that rich guy’s throat who was offering her everything—and I mean, everything—awesome clothes and unlimited murders and all, IF she kills Eve in front of him. Like, I was literally having butterflies for a killer psychopath and that, I think, makes me fucked up as Eve. I guess. Shit. Okay. Like, this show…Jesus Christ…I am having an ah-ha moment but the bad kind of weird…this show, the writing and the acting, literally puts you inside of Eve’s head and inner emotional, and not to mention, moral struggles! It’s an extreme, very extreme, version of “I always fall for the bad guys” or “I want to fix you”—which turns my attention to Sandra Oh’s character, Eve.

Sandra Oh as Eve and her husband, Niko Polastri played by Owen McDonnell

I mean, girl…you have a kind, loving husband, you are great at your job—which was maybe the real problem, cause you were too great at it, and absolutely everything in your life was stable and good—which in media-speak is…BOOOORRIIIING!!! I mean, Villanelle has a great excuse—she’s a psychopath and literally can’t help it; she was even highly trained to be that way—so what’s my excu—I mean, YOUR excuse, Eve? Hmm? This reminds me of what Agent Smith said in the first Matrix film:

“Did you know that the first Matrix was designed to be a perfect human world?

Where none suffered, where everyone would be happy. It was a disaster.

No one would accept the program. Entire crops were lost.

Some believed we lacked the programming language to describe your perfect world.

But I believe that, as a species, human beings define their reality through suffering and misery. The perfect world was a dream that your primitive cerebrum kept trying to wake up from. Which is why the Matrix was redesigned to this: the peak of your civilization.”

Damn. Read it again and really feel it.

Which really brings me to the concept of: is it a chicken or an egg thing? Or a nature versus nurture type of philosophical stuff; because really, Killing Eve and The Matrix can be tied up together amongst the debate or studies regarding the human condition and Jean Baudillard’s “Simulcra and Simulation”. Society’s relationship with the media can be portrayed as, if it isn’t already, the snake eating its own tail—the jostle of influences never ends but it does, and it will—and WE will be and are the end of ourselves. Yes, no doubt, it makes for really great T.V. and, I want more of it—don’t get me wrong. All I am thinking is, of course there’s a price for something this good, may it be personally or societally (which is really kind of the same thing, since there’s a lot of “me’s” and “you’s” out there—you’re not unique, get over it). Let me put it this way, if statistics came up regarding the rise of suicides after that show “13 Reasons Why” aired—allegedly glamourizing committing suicide and depression, I think it’s only a matter of time that some type of statistic will come up in relation to the show “Killing Eve”, although it will be subtler—and no, I am not implying the rise of killings even though the show might help thin that line between committing suicide and murder, but still unlikely—because suicide is easier since you don’t have to deal with the consequences after (but if you’re thinking, murder-suicide…boy!).

"Stop it! Stop shouting! I just want to have dinner with you!"

The statistical subtlety I am concerned about is still related to mental and emotional health, but harder to identify or resolve, since it is somewhat an unhealthy norm, because Killing Eve is more than making violence look satisfying—which is sadly, already highly casual…but what dawned on me when I felt “good” and “happy” when Villanelle killed someone for Eve and in turn, a few scenes after, “tricked” Eve into doing her first kill, is that this show is glamourizing toxic relationships and how it seems we just can’t help it—we gravitate towards it, even. Therefore, if it is innately human to not be satisfied—to always be pining for something or someone more exciting, to want to achieve perfection in all that we do even if it’s wanting to control everything and everyone and feel broken and diminished if we were unable to—if that is really who we are or are we really just a product of each other’s simulations, how do we even start to become a “healthy” we—if that even exists or is achievable when the concept of health and who you thought you are can even sometimes be too much for the same society who created you. I.e. “Oh, you’re a vegan/crossfitter/film student…You’re too fat/loud/perfect/rich/poor/black/white/Asian/kind…This show is too good that it’s bad…”, and all the etceteras!

"Are you going to kill me?" "No."

The concept of Sandra Oh’s character self-sabotaging her quintessential personal life for an assassin is just bonkers and hard to swallow. That is why my having a boner for Jodie Comer as Villanelle is killing me because, let’s face it, the real psychopath is the person who has crushes on psychopaths. And I am ultra-aware how this last question is unnecessary and useless and more of rhetorical, but…who’s fault is that